He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
