My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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