Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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