Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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