Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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