bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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