i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Randomize
