What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
ugly people sure do ruin things
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
