The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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