she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
