Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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