Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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