your thong is hanging out like whoa
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
