I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i will never coherently bang her
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
