drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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