dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
