I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
