Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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