sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
