I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
