At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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