Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
