people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
