PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
