We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Oh god it's open bar.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
