I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
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Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
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Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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