So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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