you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
