I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
how does that bad decision feel?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
