I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
