you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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