why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
