Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
