please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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