I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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