He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
