Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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