im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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