Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
