i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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