she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
