i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
