Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He had one of those small greek statue penises
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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