either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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