I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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