All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
