I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
