the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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