I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
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So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
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You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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