Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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