her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I use my feet as sexual weapons
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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