you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
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