He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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