the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
