the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
