I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
