is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
