I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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