Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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