I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
