i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
